FREELOADERS AND THE EXPLOITATION OF PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS
FREELOADERS AND THE EXPLOITATION OF PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS
I know this is going to tick off a lot of people but the truth must be said, enough is enough.
Attention: Parents and Grandparents do not deplete your funds for NO freeloading child or grandchild!
DO NOT SACRIFICE YOUR LIVELYHOOD, YOUR SAVINGS, YOUR WELFARE, YOUR PENSION, YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY, YOUR SENIOR MEDICAL BENEFITS FOR NO MAN-CHILD/WOMAN-CHILD ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE AN UNGRATEFUL, DEMANDING, ENTITLED, LAZY, COWARDLY, EXPLOITATIVE FREELOADER!
“You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord.
My parents are seniors and as a grown adult I'm beyond livid and disgusted to see so many ungrateful children and grandchildren exploiting the goodness and kindness of their parents/grandparents for their own personal gain.
What's even more sad is to see the blind, foolish parents and grandparents caving into their every single whim, cry and tantrum!
Don't get me wrong, I'm all about helping and supporting but not aiding and abetting and this is the topic that I will be speaking on.
Story #1: I had an aunt named Doreen who sacrificed everything for her only son, I mean everything! She worked her tail off as a nurse, she gave him an ivy league education and till the day she died she funded his career and paid for his travel and entertainment expenses. While she laid in a bed with stage 4 cancer, taking chemo for the last 2 years of her life, her son had the shameless audacity to tell his mother to properly allocate her medical funds so his "allowance" wouldn't be stiffed. What did she do? She was willing to bare the physical pain by sacrificing her pain meds to please her man-child son!
I have an aunt named Helen who's been a widow for like 40s years and like Aunt Doreen, she also laid out her entire life for her 3 sons. Now in her mid 70s, her 3 sons could care less about her in fact, they can't wait to see her dead so they can cash in and cast out lots on her property. Aunt Helen is a powerful woman of GOD and every time we speak with her our hearts break to see the horrible treatment she receives from her grown sons, their spouses and grandchildren.
I have an uncle name Anthony who also sacrificed everything for his wife and 5 children. This man works triple overtime to cater to every want and every need. The result? Also now in his late 60s, his greedy, selfish, cold-hearted dentist daughter has her eyes on his house and the family business. In fact, now she oversees both properties and has kicked her Father out of his house so her teenage daughter can live there. Sad to say, her Father now sleeps in the living quarters of the family business all by himself.
I have an aunt named Claire who has 4 adult kids and 12 grandchildren. From day one, her children saw her as the 24/7 cook, maid, house sitter. Sometimes her 2 daughters would drop off some of their kids at her house for the entire summer. Oh yes, my poor aunt Claire had to cook, clean, bathe, diaper change, raise, and teach her grandkids because apparently she didn't have the guts to say "NO, I've done my job, now do yours" to her adult women-children.
I had a friend by the name of Sally who told me many years ago that the only reason she visits her grandmother on the Upper West Side is to get her monthly allowance from her. My mouth dropped and I said “Wait, don’t you go there to visit and spend time with her because she’s your grandmother”? She said, “no I need money right now and that’s why I’m going to visit her tomorrow”. Wow! As the word says, “You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” (Matthew 12:34)
Do you see a pattern here parents and grandparents? When you give in to every whim, cry and tantrum these are the results. When you allow yourself to be taken for granted these are the results. When you answer yes to their every request these are the results. You need to look after yourself and not your grown up children and grandchildren especially if they are freeloaders! I keep seeing Grandparents raising their grandkids, why? This is NOT your job! Looking after them, babysitting them for a few hours of the week is one thing but having full time custody 24/7 is not your duty or obligation. So please don’t you fall into your kids’ manipulations or sweet talk to get you to do things that are no longer part of your responsibility. You have no obligation to fund your grandkid’s baby formula, diapers, clothing, accessories, education, etc. You had your chance to do it with your kids, now it’s your kids turn to do it themselves. Stop being their crutch and let them face the real world once and for all! They want to play house let them pay for it. They make their bed let them sleep in it and let them figure it out. Stop coddling them, how else are they going to defend themselves in this dog eat dog world? How else are they going to finally appreciate you? Don’t let your adult children’s or adult grandchildren’s mistakes affect you! Their drama should NOT be affecting you financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically or mentally! Love is not saying YES to everything, sometimes you have to take a few steps back and say a gentle but firm NO.
What is it with adults going to mom and dad and their grandparents for money? Who made them the ATM? Did you ever hear about getting a job? When you ask them for money, are the terms based on the fact that you’re going to keep it or that you’re borrowing it?
My parents financially supported me until my junior year in college and then I was on my own ever since. At first, I worked in retail, then in the restaurant industry as a server. Months later while I was a server, I was also an intern for a financial firm all the while being a full-time college student. Freedom and responsibility felt amazing! And like my roommates, I paid for my rent, my water bill, my gas bill, my electric bill, my car payment, my car insurance, my cell phone, my groceries, my clothing, etc and I was also able to have a savings account too! Thank GOD there was no PayPal or GOFundMe in my day to fund for my needs.
After graduating from UCF, I went back to NYC to start my career and I moved back home with mom and dad. But wait?! Did you think I was going to mooch off or freeload off them!? Did you think that I was going to live there for free, save my money and have them pay for my wants and pleasures at their expense? Oh heck no! My dad busted his tail to provide and my mother did the same and there was no way in hell I was going to mock their faces and their sacrifices for my wants and needs. At the age of 22 I wasn't afraid to be an adult and face the responsibilities and challenges that came with it.
As soon as I got my first paycheck, I approached my mom and dad in the dining room and we talked finances. I told them, "mom and dad, if I was living in the city all by myself I would pay rent and bills so living here is no different. Expect for me to pay rent that is proportional to the current real estate market, expect for me to pay for my personal items and expect for me to help out with anything you need around the house, for example groceries or any other miscellaneous things." At first they were surprised but after our discussion, they agreed. From that moment on, they always saw a signed check on the 1st of the month until I moved out of their house to move into Manhattan. Also, I purposely increased the rent amount year after year and every time I got a raise or a bonus. Fair is fair. I’ll never forget how some of my sister's friends were white collar professionals living in their parents' basement who never paid a dime to their parents yet spent their money on partying. Whose fault was it? The parents! Plain and simple.
2 Thessalonians 3:10
For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.”
In conclusion, here’s a message to every parent and grand-parent including my own:
-Not every child or grandchild is good, by the fruits you will know. Do yourself a favor and take care of yourself first. Never sacrifice your social security benefits, your finances, your pensions, your medical benefits, your health, your stability, your retirement, your livelihood for NO adult child and NO adult grandchild especially if they’re a freeloader. You are NOT the ATM! Beware of those adult children (I.e. including nieces, nephews) who tell their children to ask you for money or material things.
-Don’t deprive yourself of your needs, wants or desires because you want to leave some inheritance for some child/grandchild. You worked hard and it’s perfectly biblical for you to enjoy the fruits of your labor. For example, if you want to travel to Europe and have the funds to do so, do it! If you want to have a meal at a fancy restaurant once a week and have the funds to do so, do it. If you want to buy a new car and have the funds to do so, do it. If you want to get new wardrobe, a new hairstyle or book an appointment at the spa and have the funds to do so, do it!
-If you have a will or if you plan to leave an inheritance ask the LORD to direct your choices. If your children or grandchildren are not for you then they are against you. To see adult children like my cousins already counting down the days for their mother to drop dead for money or a property is absolutely evil! May she live another 100 years in Jesus' name.
-You sacrificed everything to raise your children now is the time for you to enjoy your golden years with peace, love, and joy
-I thank GOD for people like you, because in the midst of your imperfections you taught my generation the meaning of family, love, responsibility, accountability, integrity, honesty, loyalty, morals, values, hard work and sacrifice
-Remember you are Jesus’ treasure and you are worthy! Never look at your age as a hindrance instead see it as a blessing to others. You deserve your children’s and your grandchildren’s respect and if they don’t give it you pray, bless, and show them the door. No one should approach you when they need something end of story. Nothing gets me more angry than to see an ungrateful, abusive, entitled, exploitative, lazy, disrespectful man-child/woman-child who betrays their parent or grand-parent for their personal gain or greed.
-Not a day goes by where I thank GOD for you both. I know life has had its ups and downs, its highs and lows but through it all God’s hand was always there and his grace is what sustained us. I thank you for trying your best to lead by example when we were nonbelievers and now that we are Christians. Thank you for your dedication, your hard work, your sacrifice, your love, your discipline, your correction, your wisdom, your support and the times when you answered NO! Just like you took care of me, now it’s my turn to take care and compensate you. I love you! I may not have the sweetest lips or tone but my lips speak truth and my actions reflect my heart.
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.
Ecclesiastes 2:17-26 Toil Is Meaningless
So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. And who knows whether that person will be wise or foolish? Yet they will have control over all the fruit of my toil into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. For a person may labor with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then they must leave all they own to another who has not toiled for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. What do people get for all the toil and anxious striving with which they labor under the sun? All their days their work is grief and pain; even at night their minds do not rest. This too is meaningless. A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.